I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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