I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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