No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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