was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
