I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
