Your mouth is God's brothel.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
