do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
