Someone shit on the floor
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
