Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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