If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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