last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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