How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
