It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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