there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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