Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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