The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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