Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
