I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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