my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
