I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
