You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
