he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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