Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
