I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
