shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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