i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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