i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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