R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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