i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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