How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
