I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
