what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Less talking, more tequila
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
