got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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