Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
