Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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