I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
