You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize