your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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