Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
