There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
