you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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