she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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