I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
