I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
