Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
