You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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