i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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