I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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