Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Farmville is her only friend.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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