Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
whose parrot is this?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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