I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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